Being a first-time mom is definitely hard, but there’s one area of motherhood where it’s easier for most moms. As a first-time mom of a healthy baby, especially if you have a lengthy maternity leave or you’re a SAHM, you have the freedom to go to mommy and me groups, post-natal exercise classes, coffee hour, story time at the library, infant swim, and all of the other mom activities that might be offered in your area. There’s no one else vying for your attention. You don’t have to take anyone else’s schedule into account when planning your day. You don’t have to try that hard to meet moms.
And if you don’t get out of the house? Everyone is tolerant of your inability to manage a daily shower. Making friends may not be an issue because you can hit up all the aforementioned activities.
But when baby number two arrives and baby number one isn’t really a baby anymore you can forget about mommy and me groups and the like, unless they line right up with the latter’s preschool schedule and other appointments. Otherwise, it can feel like the former is just along for the ride. Heck, it can feel like mom is just along for the ride if that first daughter or son is loaded up with activities! On top of that, everyone expects the second-time mom to be not only showered, but also on the ball when it comes to everything from household management to planning playdates to making the transition back to work.
When the question is whether meeting friends is any easier for the second-time mom, we’d argue that the first-time mom clearly comes out ahead. You don’t only have to meet moms, but now you’re looking for moms with kids your kids’ ages. And how many groups, classes, and get-togethers are there for first-time moms – usually at a time of day that assumes that said mothers have nothing else going on? Thus far, we’ve never actually seen any activities specifically catering to second-time moms in our areas, and so much of the stuff for moms of babies is not toddler or kid friendly.
The solution is not just to hope that your mom friends have second babies of their own – though if you’re really lucky, you’ll all be pregnant and have your babies right around the same time. First, consider reaching out to some of the other parents in your first child’s preschool class or daycare who also have babies. You’ll meet moms more easily if you put yourself out there. Second, see if there are any sibling classes at your local hospital and connect with parents there. And third, if the first two steps seem too scary, sign up for Mom Meet Mom. One of the criteria we consider when helping moms meet moms is how many children a mother has and what ages they are because we get that having two kids (or three or four or more) can feel like an entirely different kind of motherhood than first-time motherhood.